Some people are brave and can go bravely into the world. I am not one of those people. I choose to hide me on the inside, and this is my story.

Monday, December 5

Uh oh, when did that happen?

Yeah. So here's my problem. I think I have a crush on my best guy friend. I am sure this sounds familiar, but honestly, he hasn't ever been that kind of friend. We met at work, started hanging out since I am friends with his girlfriend, and it just grew from there. He's funny and smart, not hunky or hot. He and his gf have a little girl, and I have been a part of their lives since they became a "them." I've noticed lately that I get excited when he calls, or when he emails me, and I have always like hanging out with him. Through the past few years we have "mandates" where he and I go out without our usual others. I've never thought anything of it. Just like I wouldn't think I was skeezing on his girl if she and I went out alone, which we do occasionally. So where does that leave me? I think I just don't know how to have a close, semi-intimate male friendship without considering crossing the line. Maybe that's part of my realtionship problems. I have a hard time with boundaries. I think the good news with my friend is that I don't want to have sex with him. I don't think I am physically attracted to him in that way. I mean, cuddling would be okay- but he would SO FREAK OUT!? Why is it okay for women to be intimate without being sexual, but men have to keep the "safe" distance. I have a redneck friend that hunts and camps with a lot of other rednecks, and they have a "rule": "Hole to Hole, or Pole to Pole, but NEVER Pole to Hole." That is how they describe sleeping arrangements. Sad. I would love to curl up on the couch with a male friend and just cozy up.

Geesh. I need a boyfriend.


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